What do you call a female drama queen?

Unfortunately this is not the question to a funny joke but the first thought to cross my mind following an incident at work this afternoon. We have this extremely histrionic woman (in her early 50's) at work who manages to naturally and very deftly piss people off just by being her natural self. We will for reasons of confidentiality call this burnt and over fried turnip dumpling MadMary. MadMary has the potential to be a character within Little Britain^TM and would certainly last a good four series before the gag actually wore thin. One day in the not too distant future this iconic figure of insanity will become Googable by simply typing in one of the following words: barmy, crazy or nuts. Actually nuts might be over exaggerating it slightly but nutty wouldn't be far off the mark.

It was only a matter of time before our paths crossed considering she has already clashed with several other of my work colleagues. Our brawl resulted from me sending MadMary an e-mail bollocking her about some Christian chain letter she had sent out to everyone on the work e-mailing list.

I am not sure exactly how to describe what it is about her that annoys people instanteously. For me it was a combination of the words Madmary chooses to express herself, plus her ooh sooo dramatic style of the actual delivery of her sentences sounding like she was just desperate for a poo and only had 40 farting seconds left before her back door entrance re-created the scene from Backdraft. It is very rare that I ever get so wound up (if you don't believe me ask my ex's), but for some reason she can do that thing that all mothers know how to execute with such aplomb. Lucky for her I decided not to assault her with my knowledge of Chav-like swear words. Instead I kicked her out of my office with a simple "I have work to be getting on with" and rotated back to my computer screen of gaydar messages.

Surprise of the day was when Daddy Dick called me up this afternoon asking me for advice on which iPod^TM to purchase. Following a four minute 3 second consultation I guided him through that tricky maze of technological gadgets from the year 2003. Maybe he's forgotten that I'm Chinese and not Japanese. Moving from mad to blind I must give dear ol' Stevie Wonder a plug for his new LP, A Time To Love. Definitely worth copying onto your iPod and to be played for those skipping to work in the sunshine moments.