Fifth letter

Juicelog Wed 190706: Juicemaster J is hot and it’s not due to the sweltering London weather. This afternoon my mum annoyed me slightly when she quizzed me about whether I consumed the fifth letter from the alphabet as part of my weekend activities. Instinctively I lied and responded with a no. The reason for me not saying yes was because my “no” isn’t really a lie because it is a known fact that I don’t like e’s (which in Chinese are called head thrashing pills due to the acid house raver stereotype). Also I know if I did admit to taking them I would have had the longest earbashing this side of thirty.

My mum is not as silly woman and had obviously planned her line of questioning. She eased herself into the topic of drugs by asking me if I knew where a club called Fire was. Slightly shocked as her knowledge of clubs tends to be about the big venues in London (like Fabric and Pacha) rather than dirty little dives like Fire. Admitting to knowing that Fire was in Vauxhall, she then proceeded with a few more questions:

Mum: do you ever take head thrashing pills?
JJ: NO, of course not.
Mum: how about your friends?
JJ: some of them do. some don’t.
Agatha Christie: have they ever offered you any?

A big long silent gap before my brain came back with:

JJ: no, my friends are super stingy and would never offer to share their narcotics with me.
Agatha Christie: I don’t believe you. Your friends in their moment of excitement must have offered you a pill?

Another silent moment before my mum launches into a diatribe about how I need to grow up and stop clubbing with unsensible people. For my 31^st bidet I’ve now decided I want a Made In Holland mum!