Tonight Matthew…..I am going to be 25

Juicelog Thurs 200907: The First Emperor: China's Terracotta Army is currently being exhibited at the British Museum. This exhibition has attracted a lot of attention and massive ticket sales, as it’s one of the rare opportunities in the UK of being able to see the life-sized terracotta statues. From this stems the history surrounding the first emperor of China, Ying Zheng. King Zheng is regarded by many historians for being a tyrant and ruthless despot in the way he killed the lives of numerous scholars and civilians.

One of his legacies he left behind was building a unified China and he went about this by his philosophy of standardisation. His achievements include the precursor version of the current Great Wall of China, an enormous mausoleum guarded by a life-sized Terracotta army and a massive national road system. King Zheng introduced a single currency, a standardised system of weights and measurements as well as a common written language.

When I woke up this morning I jumped up to my bedroom mirror inspecting myself for wrinkles, grey hairs and to see how arched my back was. Hell, I even sniffed myself for that whiffy Soho backstreet urine smell. The hard thing about travelling up the age escalator is that for the first couple of days I always tend to forget how old I actually am because for the previous 300 days I have been so used to telling my brain to keep saying “I am 31”. And to break that habit takes some getting used to. So as a new decree, I am implementing my own bit of standardisation as declared by the Juicy empire. For the next 30 days when somebody asks how old Juicy is, everyone will need to give the answer of 25.