Avenue Q

Juicelog Fri 300606: Last night I went with some of the Ibeefa posse to watch Avenue Q (currently on at the Noel Coward theatre). Having been dubbed an adult version of Sesame Street I was fascinated by what this comical musical had to offer. From the moment you sit down you are sucked into this world of puppet characters, humans and infectious show tunes.

Avenue Q opens with a starry eyed protoganist in the form of the character Princeton who asks himself as to what he can do with his recently gained BA in English. From this he and his Avenue Q neighbours embark on an existentialist journey where they goes in search for some meaning to their lives which will strike many a chord with the generation X crowd.

Apart from the anti-republican stance, one of the things I loved about this parody of a children’s show is the clever manner in which it uses this group of cynical New Yorkers to go about challenging the audiences level of what is and what isn’t acceptable. The songs “everybody is a little bit racist” and “the internet is for porn” are amusing. The puppet sex scene is reminiscent of the gag from the Team America. The five night stands and Lucy the slut heart monitor make for brilliant side gags.

Musicals are not something I usually indulge in but this is something that needs to be crossed off on your check list.

Recycling

Juicelog Mon 260606: Ealing Council have recently started a new recycling scheme. Last week I received a 21 litre green box (also known as a food waste bin) in which I am able to dispose of my food waste. The food waste is then collected each week and converted into compost. This is a brilliant initiative as this is essentially an extension of the garden compost bins idea, which allows apartments and flats (that don’t have gardens) to ensure that their biodegradable food waste is recycled thus preventing it from being sent to landfill sites.

Looking at my week’s worth of food litter I was quite impressed with the sizeable portions of fruit and veg I managed to chomp through. Witnessing my salubrious healthy diet I gave myself a firm but sensual mental pat on the back as well as performing two Michael Jackson hand-on-crotch spins. Following the 720^o turn I noticed my other recycle bin which comprised of a few Guardian newspapers deliberately covering up last week’s copy of Boyz & QX. Protruding from one of the corners was one empty bottle of whisky glaring at me in a scolding manner. Immediately I neatly tucked this underneath the homo mags. If and when my local council comes to updating their recycling policy so that it include plastics, then like a obedient resident I will place my used condoms underneath the booze.

In a wacky kind of way the rules that govern my recycle box:

current affairs > homos > alcohol > sex

which looks like the exact opposite of my world.

Lean On Me

Juicelog Wed 210606: Okay so there I am leaning against a wall in this block of flats at 1am in the morning. I’m not really leaning. It’s more of an angled stylish slouch. Originally I started off in a fairly upright stand but due to some smooth tactical manoeuvring (from the person I was having a conversation with), I ended up in a stance I’m not normally accustomed to.

As well as supporting my juicy booty the wall I was leaning on was also supporting the right hand of the dude I was chit chatting with. If Van Gogh was alive his graphical etching from a side on view would scarily look exactly like this:

Several of my friends would find this quite a sexy position to be in but I found myself feeling slightly vulnerable. It was the nearness of having somebody in such close proximity to my face that made me feel slightly uneasy. I wasn’t worried that he was going to do anything untoward but it was more to do with the way he had edged himself into my personal space without asking for my permission first. This meant he had audaciously assumed a level five of familiarity bypassing levels three (offering of gold and silver) and four (offering of body parts).

Batty Battles

Juicelog Mon 190606: This weekend I witnessed some unsavoury characteristics of human beings. Watching a friend getting assaulted for a fairly trivial matter really gave me a jekyll’n’hyde sense of certain sections of our race. Matters weren’t helped with my friend being drunk and I would have preferred it if the head butt was substituted with a non-Euroboy man-to-man hug.

Physical violence is not something I would ever employ or condone (unless it involved Mrs. Thatcher and a brand new set of Le Creuset knives).

Mousse T

Juicelog Fri 160606: Mousse T was playing tonight at Pacha for a Peppermint Jam party. For those that are not familiar with Mousse T’s work he is the guy that brought us “Horny” in 1998 and “Is It Coz I’m Cool” more recently. Mousse was a friendly pleasant guy who mentioned to me that he no longer was working with Boris D’lugosch (the guy that remixed Moloko’s “Sing It Back”) whilst we were walking over to the club. He even showed me and Cynthia a photo of his adorable two year old baby. Like most DJs nowadays he doesn’t spin any vinyl and has opted for the easy and lighter option of carrying CD’s instead.

Over the years he has slowly gone under the musical radar (due to lack of commercial chart success) and so I wasn’t exactly sure what his set was going to be like tonight. I presumed it was going to be funky house but he stunned me when I heard he’s gone down the electro house sound route. The first 1.5 hour of his set rocked the main dancefloor but the last 30 minutes was fairly dire. He tailed off his set with trance like progressive house which did nothing for me. Claire’s mate (the very photogenic Emma Lanford) waited ages to do her thing on stage. For a petit girl she had a very Diva-like powerhouse voice and good stage presence.

Pacha in London isn’t a club I’d recommend to clubbers who like to party. The security staff are a miserable lot and the venue was lacking in atmosphere with hardly any party vibe whatsoever. For a Friday night the venue didn’t manage to pull in the punters (I’ve seen more people in the waiting room at my dentists). It was the total antithesis to the Pacha in Ibiza.

K & K

Juicelog Tues 130606: Finished off watching the (third series) Kath & Kim DVD that Miss Boobies lent me. Annoyingly I wasn’t able to watch two out of the eight episodes as there is a problem with the DVD.

Gina Riley and Jane Turner have managed to deliver the goods third time round with their brand of subtle suburban Ozzie humour. Having already garnered a cult following, Riley and Turner’s magical formula of this Aussie family is something that the British viewer might not pick up straight away but I don't think it is essential to understand all the references to appreciate this series. It is hard to work out what part of the Australian class system they are suppose to be parodying as we get to see their middle class aspirations but humorous verbal banter of the uneducated.

The puns are well thought out and brilliantly delivered (with their trademark accents) into the simple subject matter of each episode. The outfits will no doubt be the theme of many fancy dress parties. The cheesy lines have now become classics and the awkward moments can easily make you cringe just like The Office. Wouldn't it be noice if we were to get a fourth series?

James I's bidet bash

Juicelog Sun 110606: The idea of people growing old is not something gay guys look forward to and eagerly embrace with their gym pumped disco arms. But when the birthday is accompanied with luscious tapas, gallons of sangria/champagne and an edible birthday cake, I for one am more than happy to cheer on those nascent wrinkles.

James I's belated birthday bash tonight was the perfect way to end a sunshine-tastic weekend.

Hot Tubbers

Juicelog Sat 100606: Christie and Ashley held their annual hot tub event this afternoon. Big Britain and their subsidiary counterparts turned up on this sizzling day for garden (and bathroom) fun.

Cakes were supplied by CM Bakery.
Event management skillfully executed by DB Productions.
Bathroom fun provided by Phil and his Clapham Junction friend.
Complaints co-ordinated by Christie.
Phunky muzak provided by Juicemaster J.

The garden itself:


The alcoholic bathtub:

A gay terminator:

Bouncy Boy's tongue:


The fan(ny) posse:


Claire's couture boutique:


DB Productions:


Tina:


The boyz talking about dirty stuff:


Garden (again):


Hot Tub:

Juicy & CM Bakery's CEO:


Lesbians demonstrating their oral skills:


More lesbians:


What exactly is DB staring at?


Phil & Gav:


Tom potato juggling:


Bouncy Boy (showing off a different part of his body):


Tina & Juicy (in this season's must have Hilfiger):

CM Bakery

Juicelog Fri 090606: A delivery of these unique and limited edition mind-taking cakes landed on my desk this morning (courtesy of CM bakery):

What makes them special? Why it’s that age old magic recipe of eggs, flour, milk, sugar and hash. Watch out for the Maison Blanc variety coming to a branch near you!

Who opened the gates of hell?

Juicelog Wed 070606: The warm and sunny weather this week is my double entry. What I’ve gained with a darker body tan and elevated mood I’ve lost with a chesty cough and ghastly hayfever.

Therefore I’ve had a week of popping pills and slurping down tonnes of guice just so that I can breathe.

Delete

Juicelog Mon 050606: Back late last week I made a decision not to forgo a friendship. Reviewing my boot list is a task I customarily carry out at the end of each year. This whole situation came about when my friend sent me a text message that read:

“Hasta la vista. Hitting the delete button now”

Friend is not a word I would used to describe this person (who will now be referred to as MP) that I had met about nine years ago. MP is more of a fuck buddy who I would meet up with every now and again (which has averaged out to be 1.11 times per year).

When I first knew MP he was working as cloakroom attendant, doing some voluntary work with a few GCSE’s to his name. Now he is working as a research officer, about to embark on his third degree and is looking to become Sir Menzies speechwriter. Watching all this happen to him in the space of nine years is pretty impressive.

The thing that I think I found too off-putting was the complexity of MP’s personality. I have come to the realisation that as much as I enjoyed his company I can’t make any emotional connection with him at all. Physically I don’t have any sexual feelings that I did have when I first met him. Even though I can’t pinpoint the exact specifics about why I don’t want him in my life anymore, there have been a few occasions where I have found his self importance to annoy me.

On receiving his text message I felt sad because of the loss but joyful because I gained an extra 6KB of memory in my phone book.

Double Entry

Juicelog Sat 030606: A tiny faction from the finance department of Big Britain (Miss Boobies, James I, Barra, La Isla Benito, DBB and myself) swam, sunbathed and picnic’d it in the blazing sun this afternoon in Hampstead Heath. James’s mate (Erik) bought a selection of petit cakes from Paul. My favourite were the miniature carrot cakes.

Knowledge = Power
Miss Boobies tried to explain to me what group relief and double entry was. The concept of group relief was quite a clever concept. Double entry was slightly a trickier one to pick up. A whole heap of definitions were used during my tutorial:

Miss Boobies “if you look at your bank statement then double entry is always a track for every debit / credit”
DBB “if it were physics then double entry would be for every action there is a reaction”

And my favourite…..

James I “sweetie, nothing in life comes for free”

Ass = Power
The heath today was busy which meant we had limited choice in our picnic location. This was due to the fact that half of London and myself have all been waiting quite some time for mister sunshine to materialise. My reason was purely selfish as I was quite eager to get rid of the tan lines (which resulted from my Egypt holiday). Each time I exposed my booty we all noticed that people in the surrounding areas around our picnic spot seemed to freely surrender their additional patches of grass.

Nick Nick - London visit

Juicelog 020606: Nick Nick was in London this week. A lot of the Big Britain posse turned up tonight to say hello to him even though we were rated as priority number 3 on his to do list. Didn't have much of an opportunity to talk to him properly - think he was bored of being asked the same questions several times over). He appeared in good spirits and seems to be enjoying his Sydney existence.

Alison & her Sydney pressie:

Big Britain:


Ra-Ra shows us his 28" waist:

Nick Nick and his Bonds

(apparently Bonds are the new Aussie Bums):


Kelly 'roots' Osborne & Juicy:


Juicy & Nick Nick:


Big Britain Boyz:


Big Britain: